shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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