Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
