Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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