Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
