I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
