mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
