If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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