id be glad to
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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