Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He felt like a one man threesome
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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