I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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