Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we're so committed to being not committed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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