No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
