So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
