he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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