i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
3pm strippers are depressing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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