2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
