Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
