dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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