4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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