His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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