Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
