Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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