I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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