I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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