my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
