I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
