you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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