Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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