The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
