Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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