it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
