I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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