david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
