i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
