I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
