i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
