they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
