Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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