i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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