Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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