I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
