There was a lot of him and a little penis
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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