You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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