god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
