Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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