Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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