I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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