Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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