its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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