Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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