There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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