i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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