I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This girl is more easily done than said...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
