she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
