Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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