I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
