my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later