remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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