I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
