11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not