i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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