Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
