apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
