it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
