i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
