I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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