I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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