Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
