Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
