hotel room ftw
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
