i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk is not a location!
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