Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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