I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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