Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
