I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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