So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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