Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
