Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
